Living Into Loneliness: Update
Thinking about the feelings of sadness and melancholy I experienced last Tuesday, I realize that I have already learned a few things.
My neighbor had been taken to the hospital by paramedics, and on that day, I had wondered:
1) Are we prepared for emergencies?, and
2) Are we really “connected” to others in a manner that is meaningful?
One of my concerns last Tuesday had been that I did not have my neighbor’s daughter’s phone number in my planner. Well, I snapped into action and contacted neighbors who then snapped into action themselves. One neighbor had a key to my friend’s home and retrieved the daughter’s phone number from a paper posted on the refrigerator. (My neighbor HAD been prepared for emergencies by posting this info on her fridge.) While this was going on, another neighbor told me of a friend who would have the much-needed phone number. She didn’t have it, but contacted her sister who did.
The first neighbor showed up at my door with the number written on her hand. Meanwhile, the second friend called with the phone number that had been retrieved from her sister. I was delighted that we had the phone number so quickly, yet realize we were fortunate. With other needs, we might not be so blessed to have quick access to vital info or people who could help. I still know that I need to be mindful and proactive in pre-preparing for emergency situations. I’m grateful that we were able to contact her daughter.
Several of us learned who knew where a key to the house was, who had phone numbers and who needed updates. In this way, we all became more prepared. More than one person had had thoughts of updating my friend’s daughter’s phone number, but had not yet acted upon that thought.
Second, I’m deeply moved by the heartwarming “connections” that made themselves manifest through this experience. Everyone who knew my friend moved quickly into action on her behalf. The second source of the phone number is a young woman who took the day off work to go sit in the hospital with our friend. Prayers are being offered in her behalf. I knew she read the Bible each morning, so I offered to bring her a Bible, and I spent a little time listening to her feelings yesterday. She smokes and is going through some withdrawal symptoms while in the hospital—on top of everything else. She’s determined to not find herself in this situation with smoking and withdrawal again, so she asked me to get the remaining cigarettes in her home and throw them in the trash, and I did.
Thinking that my friend was depressed, people put their heads together and offered ideas about having their children visit her more often to cheer her up. They had ideas for pets that might be manageable at her age and give her companionship, etc. The list of ways to “connect” and help went on and on. This very week, I’ve seen that when others find out that someone they love is in need, the compassion they feel still moves them into action—even in this busy world.
Another thing I learned was totally unexpected. I did not expect to receive so many compassionate responses to my postings about my own sadness and melancholy. I was trying to stay focused on my neighbor, yet I was deeply touched and moved by the many responses to the pain of MY sorrow. People I know as well as strangers shared their feelings and hopes. Connections were formed and/or strengthened as compassion and love reached over the miles and settled into my heart to create both gratitude and appreciation for the many people who commented and reinforced the knowledge that we are not alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you to those who took the time to share your feelings and post something or send a comment. I can’t thank you enough.
The goals on my Family Tree Quest website are to:
Glean wisdom from the Past
Live Mindfully in the Present, and
Prepare Confidently for the Future
I’m learning again and again, that we simply do the best we can without beating ourselves up for mistakes or, in my case, for not writing down certain phone numbers. Then we evaluate and learn and set new goals. I’m grateful that so much compassion and love still exists in our world, and that my friend is doing a bit better each day.
* * * * * * *
NOTE: Many of you have asked how she’s doing.
My friend was diagnosed as having dangerously low sodium levels due to a blood pressure medicine’s side effects. This created great fatigue and weakness and perhaps feelings of depression from the imbalance. She was told that such low sodium levels could lead to convulsions or heart attack, so she’s in the cardiac unit.
As of today, she’s still in the hospital until her sodium levels are normalized and her blood pressure is regulated properly with a new medication. She will, most likely, need assistance when she gets home. I hope her daughter will help her get that taken care of.
Another NOTE: I’ve also learned from this experience, how important it is to know what the side effects of our medications might be. Doctor’s are not perfect and sometimes miss things. If we are prepared to ask specific questions regarding medications, that may save us a trip to the hospital. Many people are shocked to hear the implications of low sodium in our bodies and don’t know it could be associated with a medication. I know that I had no idea how serious low sodium could be. This is another good way to Prepare Confidently for the Future.
Link to Tuesday’s post (that I referred to):
http://familytreegal.blogspot.com/2010/03/living-into-loneliness.html
Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
TALK ABOUT IT TUESDAY
Living Into Loneliness
Paramedics drove off with my almost-78-year-old neighbor in their vehicle this morning. I found my self ill-prepared. How do I get in touch with her daughter who lives many miles away? Scouring the minds of friends and neighbors, I finally obtained the phone number, made contact with the daughter and found out my neighbor had recently seen the doctor, who had given her a glowing bill of health. He said, however, my neighbor was depressed.
I live in a “neighborly” neighborhood. People wave and say hello and sometimes have conversations if we catch eachother outside for a few minutes—usually as we are going someplace or returning home. My jovial neighbor, now hospitalized, always provided a kind word, encouraging thoughts and taught us through her hard work which was continually evidenced by her perfectly groomed yard.
The event this morning, however, has caused me to think about two things that may be helpful to you as well.
1) Are we ready for emergencies?
Preparing confidently for the future is part of my http://www.familytreequest.com/ goals. Knowing that I have an over 80-year-old neighbor. I could have foreseen the possibility of needing to contact her family members who live out-of-town in case of a health crisis for her. I needed to follow through earlier on the thought to have her daughter’s phone number in my planner.
2) Are we really “connected” to others in a manner that is meaningful?
Since I love her and care about her so much, why was I not aware of her depression? In my case, I now see I was relying on HER to be outside and ready to talk. I will learn from what is now the past, and will make plans to be more mindfully connected and plan a visit or two just because I love her.
Just last night, I listened to the words of Thomas S. Monson, who was speaking about doing something good and helpful for others: He said, “You may lament: I can barely make it through each day, doing all that I need to do. How can I provide service for others? What can I possibly do?” Then he told the story of an eleven-year-old boy who had taken the challenge of finding someone who was having a hard time or was ill or lonely, and then do something for him or her. The little boy said, “I went to a lady’s house and asked her questions and sang her a song. It felt good to visit her. She was happy because she never gets visitors.”
Monson continued, “Reading this particular note reminded me of words penned long ago by Richard L. Evans . . .. Said he: “It is difficult for those who are young to understand the loneliness that comes when life changes from a time of preparation and performance to a time of putting things away. . . . To be so long the center of a home, so much sought after, and then, almost suddenly to be on the sidelines watching the procession pass by—this is living into loneliness. . . . We have to live a long time to learn how empty a room can be that is filled only with furniture. It takes someone . . . beyond mere hired service, beyond institutional care or professional duty, to thaw out the memories of the past and keep them warmly living in the present. . . . We cannot bring them back the morning hours of youth. But we can help them live in the warm glow of a sunset made more beautiful by our thoughtfulness . . . and unfeigned love.” (Richard L. Evans, “Living into Loneliness,” Improvement Era, July 1948, 445.)
Often our “busy”ness gets in the way of our true neighborliness. We cannot be all things to all people—even if it’s our heart’s desire. For this moment, however, we can pause and evaluate what we can do to slow down and take a little time for the lonely and downhearted. Sometimes a smile and kind word is just what someone older and lonely may need. Sometimes WE need to make the first move—consciously, intentionally and with love.
Comments?
* * * * * * * * *
Note: “Unfeigned love” (as spoken of in the quote by Richard L. Evans) is love that cares for another’s welfare despite any wrongdoing on their part.
Paramedics drove off with my almost-78-year-old neighbor in their vehicle this morning. I found my self ill-prepared. How do I get in touch with her daughter who lives many miles away? Scouring the minds of friends and neighbors, I finally obtained the phone number, made contact with the daughter and found out my neighbor had recently seen the doctor, who had given her a glowing bill of health. He said, however, my neighbor was depressed.
I live in a “neighborly” neighborhood. People wave and say hello and sometimes have conversations if we catch eachother outside for a few minutes—usually as we are going someplace or returning home. My jovial neighbor, now hospitalized, always provided a kind word, encouraging thoughts and taught us through her hard work which was continually evidenced by her perfectly groomed yard.
The event this morning, however, has caused me to think about two things that may be helpful to you as well.
1) Are we ready for emergencies?
Preparing confidently for the future is part of my http://www.familytreequest.com/ goals. Knowing that I have an over 80-year-old neighbor. I could have foreseen the possibility of needing to contact her family members who live out-of-town in case of a health crisis for her. I needed to follow through earlier on the thought to have her daughter’s phone number in my planner.
2) Are we really “connected” to others in a manner that is meaningful?
Since I love her and care about her so much, why was I not aware of her depression? In my case, I now see I was relying on HER to be outside and ready to talk. I will learn from what is now the past, and will make plans to be more mindfully connected and plan a visit or two just because I love her.
Just last night, I listened to the words of Thomas S. Monson, who was speaking about doing something good and helpful for others: He said, “You may lament: I can barely make it through each day, doing all that I need to do. How can I provide service for others? What can I possibly do?” Then he told the story of an eleven-year-old boy who had taken the challenge of finding someone who was having a hard time or was ill or lonely, and then do something for him or her. The little boy said, “I went to a lady’s house and asked her questions and sang her a song. It felt good to visit her. She was happy because she never gets visitors.”
Monson continued, “Reading this particular note reminded me of words penned long ago by Richard L. Evans . . .. Said he: “It is difficult for those who are young to understand the loneliness that comes when life changes from a time of preparation and performance to a time of putting things away. . . . To be so long the center of a home, so much sought after, and then, almost suddenly to be on the sidelines watching the procession pass by—this is living into loneliness. . . . We have to live a long time to learn how empty a room can be that is filled only with furniture. It takes someone . . . beyond mere hired service, beyond institutional care or professional duty, to thaw out the memories of the past and keep them warmly living in the present. . . . We cannot bring them back the morning hours of youth. But we can help them live in the warm glow of a sunset made more beautiful by our thoughtfulness . . . and unfeigned love.” (Richard L. Evans, “Living into Loneliness,” Improvement Era, July 1948, 445.)
Often our “busy”ness gets in the way of our true neighborliness. We cannot be all things to all people—even if it’s our heart’s desire. For this moment, however, we can pause and evaluate what we can do to slow down and take a little time for the lonely and downhearted. Sometimes a smile and kind word is just what someone older and lonely may need. Sometimes WE need to make the first move—consciously, intentionally and with love.
Comments?
* * * * * * * * *
Note: “Unfeigned love” (as spoken of in the quote by Richard L. Evans) is love that cares for another’s welfare despite any wrongdoing on their part.
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